The State of the Things Address

Soooo, shit’s pretty weird these days, eh? Toilet paper memes have become the new legal tender, and most of us seem to be dazing through the days, largely unaware of when and where we are. I won’t pretend to understand it any more than you or anyone else understands it, but I do know that I’ve already missed some really cool shit because of what’s happening in our world, and I’m finna miss a bunch of other really cool shit in the next month or so (at least!) because so many dumbass motherfuckers refuse to take this shit seriously and just STAY THE FUCK HOME.

Oh, and stop listening to that brain dead shit gibbon in the White House. He is not a scientist, and he is not intelligent.

Seriously, people…this country was seemingly founded on laziness and half-assing everything, and now that the world needs y’all to just sit the fuck down and watch TV, everybody gotta hang out at the park, climb on the playground, throw parties in their backyard twice a week, and go to the store all the fucking time while refusing to pay attention to your surroundings and not get so motherfucking close to strangers.

Now that that’s out of the way: Hello! How are you? It’s been awhile since I’ve written anything for this blog (or much of anything at all, for that matter), but I seem to have an abundance of time on my hands for some reason, so I figured I’d roll up my proverbial sleeves and think out loud (i.e.,on paper) (i.e.,on electronic paper) and see what I can come up with/get out of my brain, because let’s be honest, friends, I got some stuff I need to get out of my brain.

Before this train leaves the station, a full disclosure, for anyone reading this who doesn’t know me personally: I am not sheltering-in-place alone – I am happily married, and I love and adore Mrs. Circle Pit, and we’ve been having a lot of fun together. And I know things could be worse for me in an inconceivable number of ways, but having said that…

April 13, 2020 might be the day I lose my goddamn mind.

Much hubbub and hullabaloo has been made about the psychological effects of social distancing, self-isolation, and sheltering-in-place, and I’ve been aware that those negative effects are very real and very powerful for a lot of people. But if I’m being completely honest, I’ve been pretty immune to the effects so far. I’ve never cared much for people in general, what with humanity being completely fucking awful and all, and as far as working goes, not having to work is all I’ve wanted out of life since about a week after I started my first job however many years ago.

“I’m tired of this back-slappin’ “isn’t humanity neat” bullshit. We’re a virus with shoes.” – Bill Hicks

I’m seven years younger than my closest sibling, which means I didn’t have a built-in playmate around the house growing up; I spent a lot of time reading and playing by myself, and I enjoyed it. I’ve always had a few close friends, but the operative word there is “few”. It’s not that I can’t get along with other people, it’s just that I usually don’t want to. I’ve found that more often than not, people ruin everything. For better or worse, I identify much more with Holden Caulfield and Kilgore Trout than I do with Dean Moriarty and Jay Gatsby.

I like not having to be around people, and I’m generally pretty content to be left alone. I’m completely happy to be not working, and I’ve been mostly okay with not being able to do things off the property.

Until today. Today might be the day I lose my goddamn mind.

Up until today I’ve kept busy with lots of things – learning to bake bread, cooking in general, doodling/drawing, gardening/yardwork, cleaning, listening to music, going for walks in the park around the corner from our house, watching movies, reading, etcetera. Today, I’m at a complete loss. Not a single indoor thing sounds fun or enjoyable or interesting, and we’re experiencing 30-35 mph sustained winds (with 50+ mph gusts) and falling temperatures, so I can’t really enjoy anything outside. I’ve already washed all the dishes, and I’ve paced the entirety of our house about 30 times since breakfast, and now I’m about to lose my goddamn mind.

I have to admit, to myself and to the world, that this awkward, introverted, curmudgeonly misanthropic humanist really fucking misses human interaction, at least a little bit. I have so much disdain and contempt and disgust in my heart for the human race at large, but I sincerely love and miss the people I chose to surround myself with when the world was still chooglin along. I’m likely to pull a muscle hugging somebody when this bullshit is over, as long as I don’t lose my goddamn mind first.

Stay strong, stay safe, and stay home. And don’t be afraid to reach out if you need help. Until next time.

Open this fucking pit up!

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